When most people think about the relationship they have with their pet, unconditional love, constant companionship, and acceptance comes to mind. It seems like pets are always there when you need someone to talk to or are able to make you laugh at their silly antics when you need it the most. Pets simply bring us joy. That's why when we are faced with a companion animals death, it can be an extremely painful period in our lives.
Recognizing this, The University of Florida's College of Veterinarian Medicine set up a pet grief support hotline to help owners deal with their loss. But setting up the program was not easy. Dr. Thomas Lane, originator of the pet grief support hotline, said he spent more than a year trying to convince people that there was a need for this type of service, but no one agreed with him. So in 1991 Lane raised the money and started the program himself.
Today the center receives 15 to 20 calls per week from all over the country as well as Europe. The hotline is run by an all volunteer staff made up of veterinary students and caring individuals who live in the Gainesville, Florida area where the University is located. Each volunteer must commit to serve one year and go through nine hours of interactive training, says Lane. The volunteers learn how to listen and empathize as well as give suggestions to callers on how to feel better about the grief they are experiencing.
"Frequently the death of the animal has not occurred yet (but) is fairly imminent because of some terminal disease." said Lane, who recommends looking to your veterinarian first for help and guidance through this tough period.
Unfortunately, other people that you may turn to like friends, co-workers, and family members can often deny you the need to grieve for your pet. You may even be chastised for honestly expressing your feelings. Comments like, "You can always get another one" or "Come on - it was only a pet " are common. Remarks like these can hurt because they imply that your relationship with your companion animal was insignificant and can easily be replaced.
"We really have to focus, not on the loss that we feel, but the good times (that) we had with the pet." said Lane. Even though your companion animal is no longer around, the memories of all the happy times you shared will always be with you.
Holding a memorial of some sort can also help a lot, said Lane. Planting a tree, making a contribution to a worthy cause, or doing a good deed in your pet's honor are some symbolic things to remember your pet by. Holding a funeral service can also help. You may choose to bury your pet at home, in a pet cemetery, or have the remains cremated. If you need help in handling this matter, ask your veterinarian.
One temptation that people should avoid is to run out and get another pet right away. Sometimes you'll even be encouraged by family and friends to do so. Although it may sound like a good idea, wait until your grief has subsided and you've accepted your loss fully. While there is no specific time table for when to get a new pet, just follow your instincts, you'll know when the time is right.
University of Florida, College of Veterinary Medicine, Gainesville Pet Grief Support Hotline 352-392-4700 ext. 14080
All calls are initially answered by voice mail. Volunteers return phone calls for this free service seven days a week between 7:00 pm and 9:00 pm. If you would like written information sent to you, instead of talking to someone, leave your name and address.
The American Animal Hospital Association has several books and videos on dealing with pet loss that you can order by calling the Membership Service Center 1-800-883-6301
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