Co-Dependents

Co-Dependents Anonymous

Codependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery — learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors. We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. In CoDA we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege. This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Codependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.

Welcome	What is Codependency	Patterns of Characteristics
12 Steps	12 Traditions	The Promises

Naples Area CoDA Meetings
DAY	TIME	LOCATION
Monday	6:00p	United Church of Marco / 320 N. Barfield Dr
Tuesday	7:30p	Moorings Presbyterian Church / 791 Harbor Dr
Wednesday	Noon	First National Bank of Naples / 900 Goodlette Rd, 2nd Floor Conference Room
Thursday	Noon	St. John's Episcopal Church / 500 ParkShore Dr
Thursday	7:30p	E.Naples United Methodist Church (2nd Floor) / 2701 Airport Rd S
Friday	Noon	St. Mary's Episcopal Church / 9001 Bonita Beach Rd

State of Florida 24-hour Meeting Schedule 1-800-672-2632
24-hour Crisis Hotline: Project Help 262-7227
Collier County CoDA Info you may contact Susan: 591-8213 (9am-9pm)

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Welcome

We welcome you to Codependent’s Anonymous, a program of recovery from codependency where each of us may share our experience, strength and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage and peace where there has been turmoil in our relationships with ourselves and others. Many of us have spent our lives searching for our self worth and validation outside ourselves, and desperately grasping for love, feeling that we are no one if we do not have that lover, that job, that money. Wherever we learned this pattern of behavior, we can now break it by learning to love and validate ourselves. Our histories may include other powerful addictions which we have used to hide our feelings or cover up worthlessness. It is time now to release the past and to start fresh, each moment affirming that every one of us is unique, valuable and worth love — simply because we are. This is not always easy. It is a daily process, each day affirming our own self worth, each day moving a little further away from losing our self in someone or something else. These meetings exist so that we can share our strength and learn from each other. They are a place to affirm that we are no longer going to settle for simply surviving, but are now reaching out to live in the joy that we deserve. Whatever your past, you may now affirm that you no longer need to rely on others for your value and self worth. You are enough, and you may claim the knowledge that you are already what God has intended — strong, precious and free!

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What is Codependence?

Many of us struggle with the questions: What is codependence? Am I codependent? We want precise definitions and diagnostic criteria before we will decide. As stated in our Eighth Tradition, Co-Dependents Anonymous is a non-professional fellowship. We offer no definition or diagnostic criteria for codependence. What we do offer from our experience are characteristic attitudes and behaviors that describe what our codependent histories have been like. We believe that recovery begins with an honest self-diagnosis. We came to accept our inability to maintain healthy and nurturing relationships with others and ourselves. We began to recognize that the cause lay in long-standing destructive patterns of living.

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PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers…

Denial Patterns:

• have difficulty identifying feelings • minimize, alter or deny feelings • perceive themselves as being completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns:

• have difficulty making decisions • judge thoughts, words and actions harshly, as never being good enough • embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts • unable to ask others to meet their needs or wants • value other people’s approval of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors over their own self-approval feel unworthy or unlovable.

Compliance Patterns:

• compromise values and integrity to avoid rejection and other people’s anger • are very sensitive to other peoples feelings and assume the same feelings • are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long • place a higher value on others’ opinions and feelings and are afraid to express differing viewpoints or feelings • put aside personal interests and hobbies in order to do what others want • accept sex as a substitute for love

Control Patterns:

• believe most others are incapable of caring for themselves • attempt to convince others what they should think or feel • become resentful when others refuse their offers of help • freely offer advice and guidance without being asked • lavish gifts and favors on those they care about • use sex to gain approval and acceptance • have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others Top

The Twelve Steps of Codependents Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over others, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove our shortcomings.
7. Humbly asked God to remove all our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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The Twelve Traditions of Codependents Anonymous

1. Our common welfare whould come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority-a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting CoDA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose-to carry the message to the codependent who still suffers.
6. A CoDA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the CoDA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problem of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. CoDA should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special services.
9. CoDA as such, ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. CoDA has no opinion on outside issues; hence, the CoDA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, TV, radio, and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
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The Promises

I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. As I make an honest effort to work the Twelve Steps and follow the Twelve Traditions . . .

1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness wil disappear.
2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity, and dignity.
3. I know a new freedom.
4. I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving, and loved.
6. I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and re-newed relationships are all with equal partners.
7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
8. I learn that it is possible for me to mend-to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
10. I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
11. I trust a guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to belive in my own capabilities.
12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.
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L I N K S

Our CoDA Web Site
SIDRAN Foundation
Gold Coast Intergroup
(Subject Liner: Collier County Outreach Info.) Back to Social Services 12 Steps Page