The Alzheimer's Support Network News, January 1999

My Will

                                                                © by Lilian Alicke, President

                                            Alzheimer's Association -- Sao Paulo, Brazil

I love God and all His creation and I have a deep wish to live. This is the only thing I can leave to my sons and my friends. However, as part of this will, I have to make a request:

If senility will sneak into my brain, if dementia will install itself, if cognition will desert my mind, and confusion will be constantly present, please remember that:

· Regardless, I still have a slight idea of my identity.

· I may know where I am and whom I am with.

· I may or may not like the place where I am, and the people whom I am with.

· I would like to wear the same type of shoes I wore all my life.

· I still like the same style of clothes.

· Someone else's clothes on me makes me feel bad. The lack of help with my grooming gives me anxiety.

· Food which I am not acquainted with is not appetizing.

· I don't like to eat meals when the food is just thrown on my plate. Diapers sometimes irritate me and make me ashamed of my condition.

· Sometimes I would like to take a walk to watch Nature and amuse myself with plants, flowers and birds.

· Talking with me will remind me that I am still a human being.

· Visits will make me feel that I belong.

· An embrace and a kiss will remind me that someone still loves me.

· The lack of sleep is not intentional. The lack of interest is beyond my control.

· My lack of skills are inexplicable to me.

· My forgetfulness is traumatizing to me.

· Sometimes I have pain which I am not able to verbalize.

· Sometimes what I am expected to do is not exactly what I would like to do.

· My wandering gaze doesn't explain what I am feeling.

· If I don't embrace you, it is because my arms don't obey me anymore.

· If I don't kiss you, it is because my lips don't obey me anymore.

· If I don't tell you how much I appreciate your dedication and love, it is because the bridge of communication is broken and I have lost the way to share my feelings with you.

       --A human being getting old

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